


so, so lucky

by baeicheojit



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 22:17:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14482365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeicheojit/pseuds/baeicheojit
Summary: Sehun is so happy to have Jongin in his life again.





	so, so lucky

**Author's Note:**

> non-beta read

Sehun's whole existence depended on Jongin - if there wasn't Jongin, there wouldn't be Sehun either.

The thought of Jongin, the most important and amazing and wonderful person in this enormous world, being a part of his mere life, could make him feel happiness control all of the parts of his body, bringing energy to them, lifting and moving them, inducing butterflies in his belly.

_If Jongin came to him in the middle of the night, no matter how much time would have passed since their last contact, asking him to go run to nowhere with him, only both of them, Sehun wouldn't hesitate, wouldn't think about it twice._

If something bad happened to him, he thought of Jongin, who would tell him not to worry, who would let him lie in his arms, cry and sob into his tank top, let his tears soak to his own chest.

He would listen to every one of Sehun's word, and whisper _shhh baby, it'll all be okay, I'm here with you_ , as he had done before.

Of course he would. Sehun trusted Jongin, he knew he would do everything to make him feel better, and the thought alone could make all of the insecurities cumulated in his chest go away into a million different directions, and then disappear.

_Sehun would laugh all the way after hearing the other one's laugh, he would run as fast as he could, so that he could catch up to Jongin, see the most beautiful smile God had ever created, a pure miracle._

He wasn't ever unsatisfied with what he had done, most of the times he was confident of himself, because Jongin had helped him build up his self-esteem from tiny piles of ashes. Had proved to him that he was worthy, and all of his successes were deserved, that he deserved everything in the world.

So when Sehun got any compliments, his satisfaction was a hundred times bigger, because he knew, he was sure, that Jongin would be proud of his baby.

_He wouldn't believe his own eyes seeing where they were going to, recognizing all the corners that he had explored with Jongin by his side._

_He would sense that tiny feeling that had been in the middle of his heart for a long time expand to every cell of his body. He would tremble uncontrollably as he would think 'he remembered', he would be sure, Jongin wouldn't have fooled him._

And when Jongin was contacting him, sending a text message asking _how is life?_ , Sehun felt as if he was about to burst everytime, because that was a proof that Jongin thought of him, he was worthy because Jongin wrote to him.

Not rarely, these days weren't happening for a long, long time, but Sehun understood. Jongin cared about Sehun, but he had the right to spend time with someone else, he deserved it, Sehun wouldn't set Jongin's boundaries.

But it didn't apply to Sehun. He was always there whenever Jongin needed him, because he had to be.

_Jongin would stop, so would Sehun. All the images of kissing under every tree that was there, holding each other tightly while hiding in this high grass, laughing, would appear in his head. This was their place._

_Sehun would feel all of these fresh smells of different kinds of flowers again, would close his eyes to remember Jongin making him a flowercrown from lilies, roses, violets, carefully putting it on his head, calling him a prince._

_He would open his eyes to see Jongin smiling at him._

If Jongin suddenly came to him and said all of his worries out of nowhere, Sehun listened, comforting him, adoring the moment, because he knew deeply inside that Jongin wouldn't come back for a long time.

And no, Sehun wasn't allowed to be the one to contact the other. If Jongin didn't text him, he was busy spending time on something or with someone else, and he had the right to do so.

Sehun, of course, didn't. He was supposed to always be there, waiting for the time when Jongin needed him, and not be the first one to make a move.

But he was so, _so_ happy that he was able experience all of this, to have Jongin in his life again, and he was so, _so_ lucky that he got the chance to fix his mistakes.

_'Sehunnie,' he would hear through the strong wind, and feel breath run out of him. He hadn't been called like this since then, that one time that he couldn't ever forget._

_He would look into Jongin's eyes and see that glint that he hadn't seen for years, could see the same mimics as he had seen back then, could it be--?_

_But he would panic, feel fear paralyze him from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. It would be too early, Jongin wouldn't be--_

_'Will you wait for me there if I tell you that I'll come back?'_

He remembered his mistakes well, how selfish he had been, how he hadn't been enough, yet he still had been surprised when Jongin one day had just disappeared.

He had thought that something must have had happened, something urgent, because Jongin wouldn't have had just left without saying a word to Sehun, making him wake up to an empty place in the morning and not being anywhere in the corners of _their place_.

So Sehun had waited. He had counted every day, hour, minute, second, thinking _he has to come back soon_ , he had been so sure that it would happen. Oh, how pathetic he had been.

After it had become a year, Sehun had felt devastated. He would go to their place and recover every little moment they had had together, thinking what could have been the reason for his leaving?

And then, one day, it had hit him. He had never been so sure about something, he had known it so, _so_ well, and Jongin hadn't been there to tell him otherwise.

Jongin had left him, because he had given everything to Sehun, and Sehun had given him nothing in return.

_Jongin's words would become an echo in Sehun's mind.  Will you wait, Sehunnie, I'll come back._

_And Sehun would think that he had been truly horrible that Jongin would have to ask him questions like that._

_He would say that of course, he would always wait, and 'I've waited all of these years,' would press at his lips, but no, he couldn't say it. He was only supposed to do what Jongin asked him to._

_By saying this, he would maybe even make Jongin feel guilty, which was absurd, because everything was his fault, how could  such words even appear in his mind--_

_Then he would hear that terrible laugh, being a punishment of his unacceptable behaviour, reminding him of it. I'm sorry, I shouldn't even ask for your forgiveness, I remember, I'm still working on myself, working on returning everything that you had given to me._

Sehun had cried everyday, had blamed himself, had prayed for it to be a bad dream, but nothing could have had made his sin forgiven.

He had felt terribly knowing that now everything was gone, he noticed everything too late, and he was so, _so_ stupid, and god, Jongin, I apologize--

He had understood that he had to go on, because Jongin wouldn't come back, that was his punishment - continue living without him for being so, _so_ selfish.

And although there hadn't been a day without him thinking about Jongin, still slightly hoping that maybe he would come back, he had tried.

But finally, his pleadings had been heard.

Jongin had shown him mercy, and he had come back, giving Sehun one more chance.

Jongin wasn't the same as he had been now. He acted as if all of those moments with Sehun didn't exist, had never happened, and all he was doing was treating Sehun as if he was only his friend.

Everything about him had changed - his mimics, the way he formed his sentences, his scent, but Sehun couldn't be more happy, knowing the reason behind all of this.

_'I'll come back then, Sehunnie,' Jongin would say, as he would be already running somewhere far away, not even looking behind._

_And Sehun's hope would disappear, changing into a small ovule again, he would only think of how naive he was, but he would still wait._

_He would hope that maybe this would show Jongin that he would really do anything for him, that he finally had understood and changed._

_The ovule would make small, small roots grow, and they would be saying 'he will come back. It's enough, you did well,' and that would make Sehun happy again, make him determined to show Jongin how good he had become, to make him proud._

_And Sehun would wait and wait, his legs and body would give out, only for Jongin not to come back._

He had been given a chance to correct himself, had been blessed to get this chance.

He now got to see glinces of his Jongin, Jongin that he loved, Jongin that he used to know, from time to time - sometimes he would recognize the pout of his lips, or the frown, the raising of his eyebrow.

He believed that one day the old Jongin would break that wall and show up again, to tell Sehun that he had done so well, that he had been proud of him this whole time, to kiss his forehead.

Sehun was so, _so_ sure that he would.

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know what this is, i'm sorry, it was supposed to make more sense


End file.
